After my last serious relationship, I never really thought that I could find love again. I was actually quite bitter and close minded when it came to finding somebody who was right for me. Before I could object, my heart led me to Kevin. I work at a convenience store, and he would come in everyday to refill his drink. I always thought he was rather irritating and never paid him any mind. One day, I actually talked to him, and connected. I really started to like him. I got the warm fuzzy feelings whenever he would come in and I would actually look forward to seeing him. He asked me out on a date and shortly after, we became an official couple. One night, he came to the store looking rather sad. He then said he needed to talk to me about something very important. All I could think was "Oh God, he's going to break up with me." So, we walked around the building and he looked at me and said, "There's something I really need to tell you. I'm afraid you'll leave me, but I can't hide this from you." From that point on, I didn't know what to expect. He then told me some of the most horrifying news that any girlfriend could ever hear. We only have approximately three months together because come August, he will be most likely be receiving a prison sentence. He then proceeded to tell me this horrible story, about how a girl lied about a situation that happened between them to avoid getting into trouble with her parents. So basically, he is being accused of forcing an underage girl to perform sexual favors. Now here is the thing about Kevin....
I am his first girlfriend. He is a big geek. Most women tend to avoid guys like him because they are "uncool". However, he is by far one of the most caring, sincere, and honest people that I have ever met in my entire life. He told me what really happened, and his story is believable, because it does in fact happen all of the time. When he was 18 (he's now 21), his friend wanted to hook him up with this girl he knew. Kevin's "friend", nor the girl, were generous enough to mention the girl was way underage. The girl came on to Kevin, and they fooled around. You know, stuff kids do when they are in high school. Not even full blown sexual intercourse or anything. It was a one time deal, and Kevin never heard from her again. One day he gets a letter from court. The girl accused him of holding a knife to her throat. This didn't happen. He swears on his life, and you know what, say what you will, I can believe him. What really happened was some teen got busted by mommy and daddy and didn't want to get grounded from the internet and her cell phone. So why not ruin someone's life? Why not ruin mine? Now, even though he didn't hold a knife to her throat, the law is still kicking my babe's butt, because the girl was underage. This is where I think Megan's Law fails. Michael Jackson can molest children, pay off the families, and walk. My boyfriend can make one honest mistake, and honestly, a mistake, remember, he didn't know her age...and go to state prison.
Back to my story... he tells me this, and I am in complete shock. But right then, I said what I felt was right in my heart. I said, "Kevin, look at me. Don't cry. You are great to me, and everyone is entitled to one mess up. Honestly, I could see us going far, and I am not going to leave you, not now, and maybe even not then."
So here I am, a month and a half later. My heart breaks more and more everyday. Why? Because I fell in love with him. He's become my best friend, and the most amazing boyfriend that I've had so far. Every moment with him is exciting, and I just love being with him. But as my heart grows fonder, the time flies by faster. And at this point, I am mortified by the thought of him going away for that long. What happens if he gets six years? And even three is a long time. A very long time to be away from someone you love. Will he forget about me? Will I meet someone new? These questions are constantly racing through my mind. I often cry myself to sleep at night thinking about it. As it stands now, I am going to stay with him...through all of it. I am not going to give up, because love, real love is rare, and I think this could be my real deal. And if it's not? Well, we'll see. It's all too soon to tell. But as it stands now, neither distance, time, nor prison walls can separate us.
What would you do in a situation like this?
I would personally like to thank Megan's Law for the heartbreak that I am going to have to endure.
My next blog? "My boyfriend is a registered sex offender."
Comments (11)
Hello Ms. EE,
You made your site so cute and colorful. I see that you have your ups and downs. We all do! That’s the kind of world that we live in now. Fortunately, it isn’t going to stay this way much longer!
I want to help people to really get to know Jehovah God and His plans for us: "...I am about to shake up everything, to turn everything upside down and start over from top to bottom - overthrow governments, destroy foreign powers, dismantle the world of weapons and armaments, throw armies into confusion, so that they end up killing one another." (Haggai 2:21,22) (MSG)
Reading your story sends chills down my spine because it is eerily similar to what I am going through right not. My boyfriend is quite the same. He is a "nerd." Very innocent and wouldn't hurt a fly. I began dating him in May of 08' after the first few dates it became very clear we cared for each other. In early June he called me and asked me to come over, when I got there he explained a story not unlike your own. He met a girl online, playing WoW. Though she was 18 ended up meeting her having very consensual sex and thought that was the end of it. He was arrested almost 6 months later because some spoiled brat lied about her age. Because she was 16 and because she photographed them together they charged him with salutatory rape and something to do with child pornography. That was the story he told me that June day when I learned my world was falling apart. I was faced with a similar decision, I told him we would take it as it came but above all I trusted him and believed him with all my heart. He took a plea bargain and was placed on house arrest until Sept of 08' when his sentencing took place. After making a plea bargain he was sentenced to 2 1/2 year in a Federal Corrections Prison. He had until October 27, 2008 to report to the facility. It was easy over the summer to push aside what could happen or the actual reality of what was going to happen. I fell deeper in love and refused to let go of what we have. I spent every minute I could with him. His parents were generous enough to let me sleepover ever night. We talked about the future and focused on what our lives will be like when he is released. I'm sharing this with you to let you know I might not know exactly how you feel but I know what its like to hurt and not have control. I felt like I had to let you know you were not alone. If you have any questions or need someone to vent too let me know and I will give you a personal email address.
Hey, just to shed some light on your situation...I'm the fiance of prisoner who is serving an 8-10, and time makes everything easier to live with. You just need to find ways to keep yourself busy. It's not the end of the world, and even though it's hard to breathe right now, everything will fall into place. You just need to adjust your life into a phase of independence while he is in there. Sometimes it sucks, but in the end it's worth the wait. My heart goes out to you considering your situation. S.O. crimes are the worst to deal with. My loved one isn't in there for a sex crime BUT I do know many women who have significant other's that were accused of crimes like this, and they pull through. It's just a bump in the road that will become smoother as time goes on. I don't know if you've been introduced to the PTO community, and I'm not sure if Xanga will beat my ass for promoting, but prisontalkonline has amazing people who are dealing with the same sense of loss. Also judging by the crime he was accused of, I'm guessing the MAX he will get is five years? Not even. Sex offenders that really do commit the crimes they are accused of don't even get a long time, so I doubt he will if there's some doubt that he even did it. Just be positive, and it will get better...My relationship is living proof that it does!
Does he have a public defender, or a lawyer that charges money? It makes a big, big difference whether he has competent legal representation. Also, if the judge sees that he has family members and a significant other who want him home, and that he's cooperative, it could make a big difference in how much custodial time he would have to do and where he has to do it. You might even be allowed to address the court or at least write a letter to the court asking for leniency. I think that your Kevin should also see a psychiatrist or psychologist or at least a social worker and get an evaluation.
I think that also, the judges who have to hear these kinds of cases would handle it very differently if the girl was at least 13 years old. If it was like a 30 year old man and a 10 year old girl or boy they'd look at the man as much more of a threat to public safety, if it's an 18 year old man and a 13 year old girl they look at it as a nerd who is at risk for knocking up 8th and 9th grade girls which nobody wants, especially with 8,000,000,000 people already marching around this planet with their dirty feet. There are some men out there however, for whom a 13 year old would be too old. Those people belong in the system and need to be watched and probably removed from society for extended periods of time. Kevin just seems like he was immature and wasn't ready for an adult relationship and if he can relate to you, that's a sign that he is getting his shit together and the judge assigned to his case would probably like to be aware of that. Judges have to report to assignment judges, and have pressure from state governors and the legislature, and they look real bad if somebody gets out of prison too early and commits more felonies. They are concerned about statistics and the public's perception of them, they don't operate in a vacuum. So you should probably be there in court for him and you should type a letter and sign it, asking that he be given a more lenient sentence. And that you are gainfully employed, and that he has a place to go.
Wow, my heart goes out to you.
You'll be in my prayers.
I posted this on the other page, but will re-post here with some additional information:
Yours
is a bad situation. The story your BF told you is questionable, barely
believable. I'm not calling him a liar, but I do not understand why the
girl was compelled to lie about a knife. You are not in a good position
to judge what took place because you will forever have a prejudiced
view. More facts need to be brought to light. Both between you and him,
and more importantly, in the court room. No lawyer worth his/her salt
would let an innocent man in this situation go to prison.
I have
been in prison (aggravated DUI). I spent 2 years inside. The boys are
NOT going to be happy with your BF, and they will NOT listen to his
side of the story. They will know, and probably know all of the
details. It only takes a phone call from another inmate, and you can
count on that call being made. They will treat him like you-know-what.
The circumstances do not matter.
I am not one to jump to
conclusions on another person's guilt or innocence, but this story does
not sound right. OK, let's get two things cleared up now, 1) I am gay
2) I had sex with a minor, multiple times, same guy. I was 21 andI met
the guy at a bar and assumed he was of age. We went home and did the
horizontal bop, and went out a few times more before I found out he was
17. (I ended the relationship immediately and that was that.) So I am
not really quick to make any judgments about the situation if, in fact,
your BF is telling the truth. But if he isn't, that is not good news
for you. Any person who would EVER force another person to have sex
with him is trouble. Big trouble. Even if he had gotten away with it,
and he did force her, you would NOT want to be around that guy. Get his
cleared up A.S.A.P.
It really is not too difficult to keep a
relationship in tact while one is in prison. First offenders, even sex
offenders, will get a light sentence. (Troubling, but true.) If he is
for real, and you really love him, the time will go by faster than you
think. Go to the web and look his name up in all of the counties he has
lived in on the public records site for the county. Make sure that he
has not had previous related offenses. Talk to his parents and friends.
Get to know everything you can about the guy. Talk to his lawyer. (Do
NOT attempt to contact the District Attorneys office.) The lawyer will
be bound by law as far as how much he can tell you, but he may drop
some hints unintentionally or you may be able to pick up on body
language. This is a serious matter for you, you need to know the truth.
MEGAN'S LAW: This law involves registered sex offenders. Bottom line is that if your BF is found guilty, he will forever be a registered sex offender. He will be bound by law to register with the local authorities no matter where he lives in the U.S. This is a public record and you can count on your neighbors who have children to be aware of it. As his spouse, you will forever deal with it. Keep that in mind as you plan your future.
Just one more thing, to make sure this is perfectly clear. In prison, he will be labeled a child molester. It does not matter if the other person where to be "of age" the day after the alleged offense took place, that is not a factor. If he is found guilty, he will be, with no caveats or excuses, a child molester in the eye of every other inmate in the joint.
I agree with the girl above me. You really should look more into it and try to make sure he is tellingthe truth.
I am not saying that your boyfriend is a liar but find points and facts that prove his story to be true. Its better to be safe.
I hope you guys work out if he is found guilty, but also think, you guys have only been together for a few months and feeling like you are in love and actually being in love may come a lot faster. I am not trying to say you don't know whether you are in love or not but a lot of times when you date someone your eally like you feel like you love them and care about them, but it might not be that serious yet. think about it because you dont want to be tied down. Its a big possibility you could meet someone new while he's in prison..
You are the only one who makes the overall decision... just make sure you think hard about it.
If you think MJ molested kids, I can be just as ignorant as you and say that your boyfriend knowingly fcked a minor!
My boyfriend is currently doing time. He's been in for over a year now and we find out tomorrow when he will be released. It could be in 3 months or 21 months. It is never easy but the love won't fade if it's real. I've tried to date other guys while he's been gone but nothings the same. Stay strong... and follow your heart. The justice system sucks the big one.
ey i undertsnd how you feel my bf is also in prison for almost 5months now his trial will be on nov26 im quite excited nor fixed emtions on wats going to happen nxt if he pull out or stay there but no matter wat i stand for him i fight for our love nd future kip on praying god knows wats best for us,its nice to hear from you it helps me to lessen the pain i have inside,no matter wat stay in your bf this day this situation they'r really need us to stand and fight for them no matter wat i decide to stay wid him and wait for the day that he come back to me..kip on praying.